Enough with the Hombres Already!!!!

And by "Hombre", I mean "Little, Emotionally Incompetent, Wussy Boys".

I feel that it's appropriate to devote this particular blog to celebrating the 6 month anniversary of my being single. It's been a wild ride so far.

First I'm gonna toot my own horn for a bit, then I'll get to the stupid boys.

It's hard for me to go back to those first few weeks after the break up. I was so unbelievably lost and scared. I literally couldn't handle the idea of being alone. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, could barely work. I had no idea who I was without the Ex. I couldn't comprehend that I would be able to find happiness in solitude. It just didn't seem possible to me. I mean, I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I was severely overweight, out of shape, insecure, and scared of my own shadow. How could I be alone to face someone that I didn't like anymore?

Can you believe that I was that girl half a year ago? It's kind of amazing that I've been able to accomplish such a transformation in such short time. I love myself now. I know that sounds kind of pompous, but it's true. I will always remember vividly the day I realized that. I was doing yoga with a good sweet friend of mine, and while we were laying in corpse pose, she said "Envision the parts of your body that are sore or tight, and send your breathe to each part. Say to yourself, 'I love you belly', or 'I love you ankle', or 'I love you arm'." I totally balked. Huh? What on earth is this girl talking about?!? I don't love my body, I hate it. It's fat and ugly. And then it kind of hit me like a brick over the head.

That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. How can I not love my body? It's my body. Without it I wouldn't exist. It does all sorts of wonderful things for me like moving me around, letting me scratch my itches, metabolizing all sorts of nasty gross things like saturated fats and alcohol, and letting me kiss, and hug, and make love. If anything, I should be disappointed with myself for being so mean to my body. Doesn't it deserve to be treated as well as I treat every one else around me?

So that was the beginning of my new relationship with good ole me. I've envisioned this person that I want to be, and I'm becoming her. I have my own apartment. Which means I live alone. ALONE. And I don't mind it, not one bit! I can spread out in my bed. I can leave the lights on. I can watch whatever dumb TV show I want. I can keep it clean or leave it dirty, whatever I feel like (although I'm finding more and more that I prefer it clean. Thought you might like to hear that, Kristen). I can play music as loud as I want. I can sing as loud as I want. I can come home after work and drink sleepy tea instead of alcohol to fall asleep. Sometimes it sucks, but sometimes it doesn't. And isn't that kind of how life works?

I'm continuing to practice yoga, and nothing has helped me heal more. I set my intention at the beginning of each class to focus on 5 words: "Peace, Clarity, Understanding, Acceptance, and Forgiveness". I'm able to twist and stretch my body more and more with every class, and I'm building strength in both my flesh and my soul.

I decided I want to be a biker. I want to ride my bike more often than I drive. I'm doing just that. I bought my first road bike today. It's a thing of beauty. I'm riding an 18 mile ride on Sunday. I have muscles developing in places I didn't know I had muscles. I've lost 30 pounds and 2 pant sizes. HOLY MOTHER!!!! I mean, really? I honestly had no idea I was capable of making myself happy, ladies. I've still got a long way to go, but I'm going there just the same. Kicking and screaming sometimes, of course.

So you will all hold me to it, I'm going to tell you what I want to accomplish next.

Drum roll please...

I want to make music. Some kind of music, and I don't really know or care which kind. Just as long as it's something better than karaoke. I know I can do this. It's a very foreign feeling to know I can do it. I can sing. I can play instruments. The only person holding me back from doing this is myself. And another thing I know for sure is that I can't wait around for some dumb boy to make music with. They are typically incredibly unreliable, and well, they just pretty much smell funny. In fact, that may be what I write about in my first song. It'll be titled Funny Smelling Boys, and it will not be nice...

Ha. Bet you can't wait to hear that one.

The other thing I want to accomplish this year is joining a Dragon Boat Racing Team. Totally random. But I really want to learn how to row. I just think it's really cool, and my arms will get completely ripped. Hell yeah!

So, at any rate, I'm putting these intentions formally out to the world, because that is usually how things come to be.

I hope you don't mind, ladies, that I took a break from talking about the stupid boys to share these things with you. I felt like you should hear them because every person reading this blog is an irreplaceable piece of the MA puzzle. It's a difficult burden to bear to like someone who doesn't like herself, so thank you. I get it now. I'm awesome.